01/05: Help! Help? Yeah, Right.
Help? What? I don't need your stinkin' help! I'm a man. I can take care of myself!
However much we may want to deny the behavior, the fact that men on the whole do not seek or ask for help is a fairly accurate stereotype. We tend tobelieve know we can do it all, or at least better than some other guy. I could go on with all of the psychobabble bullshit about how men need to seek help and support from other men to relieve themselves of the burden they can never deliver, the burden of doing everything, but upon reflection, what's so wrong about not asking others for anything? They are just inferior idiots anyway.
A man's ability to do for himself is one of the ways he is measured—even by the women who say they want a “sensitive man.” A man, instinctively, knows that if he must ask others to do for him, he is considered weak by the herd. We will not be weak, and definitely not prove our weakness by seeking assistance. (Why do you think navigation systems are now built into cars? We are not asking for directions and we will gladly spend a grand to never have to ask directions in order to prove our self-reliance.) This appearance of self-reliance is important, and one of the reasons some of us still change the oil in our car or motorcycle, even though you can have it done for less than $20. Unfortunately, or necessarily, requesting help does unmask the weakest of the herd.
Occasionally, the self-reliant male will take it a bit too far, unwilling to let anyone know the secret that he may have lost his way. Bankruptcy is probably the number one face plant, but some keep that hidden. Divorce allows a man to blame his shortcomings on his “psycho-bitch” wife. Suicide is another way out, but for those of us who know anyone who has taken that route, it is the ultimate pussification—they have given up on even finding direction. Then, there is the control freak that will remain in charge at all costs. Yes, the”man” who kills his spouse, offspring and not himself. (You are going that far and can't take yourself? Pussy would be a compliment.) It is a great deal of tragedy, these situation we place ourselves, but would it be better if we asked for help?
If a man asks for help he is not just giving up his image of self-reliance, but embarking on the path of another. We need to believe we are unique, have our own way, and when we ask for help, for directions, we are suggesting that we are lost, without a way. By asking for help, we have stated we cannot find a way and want someone to place us on a path. Most men are not interested in taking the path of another, as—contrary to popular belief—we are introspective and wish to find a better way, our way, a way we believe unique. Fortunately, there is a loophole.
Though men do not want to ask for help, they are often willing to “share.” Men are quite open and truthful with one another about what is going on in their journey. Even though they are not “asking” for help, they will let you know they need help, guidance, if you listen. There is the rub, who is listening and do they care?
Some of us are fortunate enough to be involved with a woman who accepts us warts and all, and we don't have to pretend we are Superman. Some of us have found it easier to pretend to be the Superman we have led the world to believe us to be. Most of us are in that ether between. Posturing who we wish to be, while being who we are, all the while hoping someone is listening, someone cares enough to offer a helping hand just long enough so we can shrug our shoulders and let someone else carry the burden for a moment, and then we will take it back. (Some do this be running to an altered state.) Everything will be all right, if you have someone that will listen and hear, and if you do not, I will listen. I know the truth of your mere mortalness, just as lost and unimpressive as the rest of us.
Now, for those so lost they are about to crack: Give it up! We need to let them know to give up the ghost, to call them on their bullshit. They are not perfect. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes we are so lost we think we can never find our way again, and we are not going to ask for directions. Fine, but stop. Stop for a moment and let it all go. Be willing to give up everything and start again, to try a different path, but you cannot do that until you stop. Just stop. You are not Superman. Tell someone your life is fucked up, that you are lost. Tell anyone, even a stranger who is deaf. Accept you are lost, and then you can find your way.
The beauty of not asking for help is that we are constantly finding new ways, new paths, slight variations. Also, could we do anything else? If we started going around asking for help all of the time, becoming needy, would we still be men?
Now, about that help...
However much we may want to deny the behavior, the fact that men on the whole do not seek or ask for help is a fairly accurate stereotype. We tend to
A man's ability to do for himself is one of the ways he is measured—even by the women who say they want a “sensitive man.” A man, instinctively, knows that if he must ask others to do for him, he is considered weak by the herd. We will not be weak, and definitely not prove our weakness by seeking assistance. (Why do you think navigation systems are now built into cars? We are not asking for directions and we will gladly spend a grand to never have to ask directions in order to prove our self-reliance.) This appearance of self-reliance is important, and one of the reasons some of us still change the oil in our car or motorcycle, even though you can have it done for less than $20. Unfortunately, or necessarily, requesting help does unmask the weakest of the herd.
Occasionally, the self-reliant male will take it a bit too far, unwilling to let anyone know the secret that he may have lost his way. Bankruptcy is probably the number one face plant, but some keep that hidden. Divorce allows a man to blame his shortcomings on his “psycho-bitch” wife. Suicide is another way out, but for those of us who know anyone who has taken that route, it is the ultimate pussification—they have given up on even finding direction. Then, there is the control freak that will remain in charge at all costs. Yes, the”man” who kills his spouse, offspring and not himself. (You are going that far and can't take yourself? Pussy would be a compliment.) It is a great deal of tragedy, these situation we place ourselves, but would it be better if we asked for help?
If a man asks for help he is not just giving up his image of self-reliance, but embarking on the path of another. We need to believe we are unique, have our own way, and when we ask for help, for directions, we are suggesting that we are lost, without a way. By asking for help, we have stated we cannot find a way and want someone to place us on a path. Most men are not interested in taking the path of another, as—contrary to popular belief—we are introspective and wish to find a better way, our way, a way we believe unique. Fortunately, there is a loophole.
Though men do not want to ask for help, they are often willing to “share.” Men are quite open and truthful with one another about what is going on in their journey. Even though they are not “asking” for help, they will let you know they need help, guidance, if you listen. There is the rub, who is listening and do they care?
Some of us are fortunate enough to be involved with a woman who accepts us warts and all, and we don't have to pretend we are Superman. Some of us have found it easier to pretend to be the Superman we have led the world to believe us to be. Most of us are in that ether between. Posturing who we wish to be, while being who we are, all the while hoping someone is listening, someone cares enough to offer a helping hand just long enough so we can shrug our shoulders and let someone else carry the burden for a moment, and then we will take it back. (Some do this be running to an altered state.) Everything will be all right, if you have someone that will listen and hear, and if you do not, I will listen. I know the truth of your mere mortalness, just as lost and unimpressive as the rest of us.
Now, for those so lost they are about to crack: Give it up! We need to let them know to give up the ghost, to call them on their bullshit. They are not perfect. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes we are so lost we think we can never find our way again, and we are not going to ask for directions. Fine, but stop. Stop for a moment and let it all go. Be willing to give up everything and start again, to try a different path, but you cannot do that until you stop. Just stop. You are not Superman. Tell someone your life is fucked up, that you are lost. Tell anyone, even a stranger who is deaf. Accept you are lost, and then you can find your way.
The beauty of not asking for help is that we are constantly finding new ways, new paths, slight variations. Also, could we do anything else? If we started going around asking for help all of the time, becoming needy, would we still be men?
Now, about that help...
