01/06: Kill Dad!
Having mulled this topic over as father and son, friend and foe, I understand first hand the importance of killing dad. A male cannot find the full, invigorating manliness of independence until dad has been killed. After killing, there can be a resurrection. This has been well thought out, conversed and advised to many a lost male. Unfortunately, I need to make a detour regarding a profoundly lost male.
Over Memorial Day weekend, a father went on a vacation with his family; his wife with whom he had been having marital problems and his sons, ages 8 and 4. The man was a learned man, a healer by training. He was a medical doctor, an oncologist. He was obviously a somewhat intelligent man, but more lost than anyone could fathom. He was in his 40s. Midlife crisis? Panic? Lost.
This learned man, this healer, took his young boys to the balcony of his 15th floor room and threw them off. Then, he jumped to follow. They all died. He killed his sons and himself, destroying his wife in the process. His eighty-something year old father—also a doctor—said his son snapped. Makes one wonder if things would have been different if he had killed his father? Perhaps when you kill your father, you not only save yourself but your sons also. Yes, kill your father and save your sons.
(Please, if you ever feel yourself going this close to the edge, give me a call.)
You must all kill your father. Of course, this is not literal, but a process by which you decimate your father completely, highlighting the flaws, foibles and mistakes of the male from whom you came. Like it or not, believe it or not, you are your father. If you kill your father, you might have a chance at becoming something else, something you, and not be condemned to being the worst of the man he was.
When you do not kill your father, you do not fully understand his weaknesses as a man and find yourself validating your father by repeating his mistakes—unnecessarily. If you cannot identify the flaws, weaknesses in your father, you are destined to repeat them—and pass along to your sons their need to validate you. The best thing you can do for you, your sons and even your father is completely destroy him—kill him.
Once you destroy your father, you can begin to understand why he did what he did, or at least acknowledge the possibility of another way. When you take something apart, you begin to understand how it is put together. Take your father apart; begin to understand and the resurrection can begin.
When you understand the weaknesses of your father, you can begin to accept him for the human, the lost male, that he is, has been and must be. When you begin to accept this mere mortal as flawed, you can love or leave as necessary, limiting the baggage you have been asked to carry. When you understand where you come from, you better understand yourself.
When you do this to your father, you must be harsh. No, you don’t need to dump this on him, but do this for yourself, honestly. That being said, you should expect and encourage the same from your son, to set him free and give him the possibility of being more than you. (More than me? Yes, it is possible, unless you are really fucked-up, so damaged you have to destroy your son to prove your perfection.)
The least of men are those who have never removed their father from a pedestal. The best of men have accepted their father as mortal man, warts and all, a man they do not need to elevate but understand, a man from whom they can learn without having to repeat every mistake: lost male. Be the best you can be, and for Father’s Day this year: kill dad.
Set yourself free. It is far better to be lost than anchored, especially when it is another’s anchor.
Over Memorial Day weekend, a father went on a vacation with his family; his wife with whom he had been having marital problems and his sons, ages 8 and 4. The man was a learned man, a healer by training. He was a medical doctor, an oncologist. He was obviously a somewhat intelligent man, but more lost than anyone could fathom. He was in his 40s. Midlife crisis? Panic? Lost.
This learned man, this healer, took his young boys to the balcony of his 15th floor room and threw them off. Then, he jumped to follow. They all died. He killed his sons and himself, destroying his wife in the process. His eighty-something year old father—also a doctor—said his son snapped. Makes one wonder if things would have been different if he had killed his father? Perhaps when you kill your father, you not only save yourself but your sons also. Yes, kill your father and save your sons.
(Please, if you ever feel yourself going this close to the edge, give me a call.)
You must all kill your father. Of course, this is not literal, but a process by which you decimate your father completely, highlighting the flaws, foibles and mistakes of the male from whom you came. Like it or not, believe it or not, you are your father. If you kill your father, you might have a chance at becoming something else, something you, and not be condemned to being the worst of the man he was.
When you do not kill your father, you do not fully understand his weaknesses as a man and find yourself validating your father by repeating his mistakes—unnecessarily. If you cannot identify the flaws, weaknesses in your father, you are destined to repeat them—and pass along to your sons their need to validate you. The best thing you can do for you, your sons and even your father is completely destroy him—kill him.
Once you destroy your father, you can begin to understand why he did what he did, or at least acknowledge the possibility of another way. When you take something apart, you begin to understand how it is put together. Take your father apart; begin to understand and the resurrection can begin.
When you understand the weaknesses of your father, you can begin to accept him for the human, the lost male, that he is, has been and must be. When you begin to accept this mere mortal as flawed, you can love or leave as necessary, limiting the baggage you have been asked to carry. When you understand where you come from, you better understand yourself.
When you do this to your father, you must be harsh. No, you don’t need to dump this on him, but do this for yourself, honestly. That being said, you should expect and encourage the same from your son, to set him free and give him the possibility of being more than you. (More than me? Yes, it is possible, unless you are really fucked-up, so damaged you have to destroy your son to prove your perfection.)
The least of men are those who have never removed their father from a pedestal. The best of men have accepted their father as mortal man, warts and all, a man they do not need to elevate but understand, a man from whom they can learn without having to repeat every mistake: lost male. Be the best you can be, and for Father’s Day this year: kill dad.
Set yourself free. It is far better to be lost than anchored, especially when it is another’s anchor.
