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The test: The one you care about, the love of your life who has given you so much, from whom you have taken, is ill—some regard pregnancy as an illness.

What do you do during this time? Is there obligation?

What to do?
Some will do whatever they can to minimize the stress, discomfort and burden of life for the one they love. They wish to nurture and give to the one who has given them so much in the hope they will heal, or at least suffer less, unconcerned for their own well-being due to their innate belief they will persevere. Others will find and acquire another to fulfill the needs their partner can no longer “properly” satisfy, detaching themselves from the one they “love”. This is the difference between the aware and the afraid.

Those who are aware are able to care for themselves, not dependent on the one they love. It is an honest relationship where the passion for another is not based on need. The fearful need the one they “love”. The illness of the one they “love” is perceived as abandonment and they lack the capacity to deal with this within their own depth. They must find another who will provide services without the inconvenience of discomfort. (These men will make sure they are “caught” to bring about the confrontation that leads to their release.)

Obligation?
Yes, we do have an obligation to the one we love. If it is our partner and we have taken their love, energy and passion, we are obligated to do the same. When you do this for someone you love, someone who has given unconditionally, it does not feel like obligation. Men will go to the depths of hell for one they love. Men who feel obligated are not with someone they love, or, more likely, are frightened men who need the comfort of stability and mothering to endure another day. The obligation of the afraid is to survive another day in the cloak of man.

Difference?
Men are men. We do not care about those who wish to cloak themselves in deceit. We know who they are and what they represent. We know and so do the ones they “love”. People are who they are, and before they really change they will try to convince you they have changed—real change is too difficult.

That being said, it is important to note that the quiet hero is the man who has the strength to love and give without expectation. It is only when one gives without expectation that one truly gives. Anything else is negotiation.

Do you need the test? No, you know who you are.

See men for what they are, who they are. A good man is a good man and does not need to prove anything. He proves who he is through his consistent and predictable actions. These samely predictable actions are demonstrated by those who are less than. If you believe they are more it is because you want to believe, and we all want to believe in something. Believe in the man who is strong, capable, dependable and confident because that is who he is, not because you “know” that is who he can become. (We are who we are, not who we will be.)

This is a message that needs to be conveyed to the feminine, as men know who is putting on airs. Then again, truth be told, women also know, even when they choose to believe otherwise. We all know, even when we choose to believe.

Wear the cloak, you still are who you are.
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=13 Fri, 2 Mar 2007 20:46:14 -0500 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=12
Why so embarrassed about making mistakes? It seems that we are not only ashamed of mistakes but go out of our way to avoid and hide them. If you really want to avoid mistakes, there is a solution that guarantees you make only one more mistake in your lifetime. You need not be embarrassed again.

In order to make mistakes you must push your knowledge and understanding beyond the boundaries of what you think you know. In other words, when you take risks you are more likely to make mistakes. Though many encourage risk (you know, the more you risk the greater the reward), it is fraught not only with a great likelihood of mistakes but with the possibility of downright failure.

Sure, we could try new things. We could approach a woman we think is beyond our reach. We could embark on a business venture where few have succeeded. We could write a book, build a house and/or have children. We could hike through an exotic, rebel infested jungle and come to an impassable river where we build a raft of bamboo to ride the river to civilization. We could get married, knowing the act generally leads to divorce. There is a lot we could do, but the likelihood is we will make mistakes embarking on any of these ventures. Actually, we are pretty much guaranteed to make mistakes.

Say nothing. Do nothing. Contemplate nothing. Stop all action and the mistakes will stop. Yes, that does mean your knowledge and experience will cease development, but you will stop making so damn many mistakes. Just sit and stare straight ahead and you will never again be lost, a clear mistake.

This is all possible, and you will have made only one mistake: the failure to live your life.

If you make the same mistake over and over, you are not paying attention, you are not learning. If you make mistakes again and again and they are new and different each time, you are not only learning from your mistakes but living. A life filled with mistakes, mistakes from which you have learned, is a life lived.

To be lost is a mistake, yet to be lost means you have ventured into the unknown. So go make a mistake, a new one because you were trying to do something, because you want to push the boundaries of your limitations.

Have a great mistake!]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=12 Tue, 12 Dec 2006 13:54:28 -0500 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=11
Critique. Constructive criticism. Suggest. Insult. Review. Evaluate. Consider. Analyze. Deconstruct. Edit. Expose. Judge. Define. Explain. Whichever you choose, the terms are a challenge to men and toss lesser men aside. So we should be nicer to one another, right? Why?

When men challenge one another, even when the one doing the challenging has no business critiquing—think of Mike Tyson being criticized during a fight by sports writers and commentators who barely have the strength to lift their pens and microphones—we are doing what men do best, crushing the spirit of weaker, lesser men. Why is this good? Because cream rises to the top.

When a man has confidence, founded or not, he will succeed if he has the drive. Actually, if he really has the confidence to overcome the insult of critique as commentary, he has the drive. Confidence is challenged through critique and for the strong few it is not simply heard but used as a powerful self-motivation tool. No, not to prove the pathetic loser who is trying to hold them back wrong but to demonstrate to themselves the truth of their possibility and the power of their perseverance. Critique can be the energy to flame a bright star or tip the avalanche that crushes the spirit, enveloping all. Therein lies the challenge.

Critique designed to destroy comes natural to most men, as the stronger man is deemed a threat. It is used to challenge, to claim, in various forms. Critique is where we go when we are hurt, threatened, by others. It is a self-defense mechanism, as the base instinct of violence has been quashed. Critique is natural not simply because we judge others harshly but because we judge ourselves so harshly, always expecting more. Somehow we believe that if we critique others enough the light will shine on them and mask our cracks and flaws. In moments of reflection—about ourselves and others—we understand the harshest critique is the criticism and commentary we spew toward others meant for ourselves.

“To critique or not to critique?” is not the question. We are men, we will critique, but what type of man are you? What type of man, will you become? Will you focus on criticizing others to avoid looking within? Will you succumb to the criticism of those who want to limit you (too often those closest to you)? Do you wish to find the balance, the center where we look behind the criticism of others to try and understand the source and look within our own critique to better understand the flaws we try and hide? Can you critique yourself honestly, and survive?

Some consider those beyond criticism arrogant. Usually this is little more than envy of a man confident enough to stake his claim in the moment without regard for those who wish he would quit, as they have. Yes, he still hears and feels the criticism but steels himself with the confidence that he has prepared himself for the moment. The victory of success is his. It is easy, natural, to criticize, but to let it roll off your back takes a confidence and discipline few possess. Do you have the strength to quietly stand tall, proud, feeling it unnecessary to critique others while moving beyond their criticism?


To not be critiqued is to not have challenged. To be the critic is to have set your limitations.
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=11 Wed, 15 Nov 2006 13:46:42 -0500 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=10
No matter how good your intentions, words cannot replace a mother—even a lousy, drunk, whoring mother, which she was not—in the eyes of a child. The only words that carried any weight were the honest words of compassion: “How are you guys doing?” How inadequate, the sincere words. How unfortunate, the only plausible answers are filled with deceit.

The stereotype is the man walking away from his family, but as this was the second time in one day I encountered a young man whose mother had abandoned their family, I began to reflect upon the stereotype “Man leaves family!” Is the stereotype, accepted by men and women alike, real or is it far more palatable than the notion mothers leave their offspring? Sure, I could seek statistics or bogus scientific data to analyze the quandary, but is there anything more real or personally honest than reflecting upon a lifetime of anecdotal evidence, experience and knowledge still forming—especially since people lie in studies to make themselves appear better anyway and the difficulty in finding men willing to answer such banal questionnaires? The results of reflection were astounding: there are a lot of fucked up women out there.

Digressing in why women, or men for that matter, abandon their family is a futile effort. Of course they have good reason, we all have good reasons for what we do, at least that is what we convince ourselves. The fact of the matter, even knowing some pretty lousy men, I realize I know of more women who have bailed than I do men. Overwhelmingly, I know of far more women who have bailed on men.

Does not fit the stereotype, right? Well, maybe the stereotype is wrong. Most of these men do not talk about the fact their wife bailed and left them with the kids. No, they suppress their feelings of anger, betrayal and abandonment and get on with the job of taking care of their children—they do the manly thing and suck it up. Quietly, these men do what is necessary to raise their children, no matter how hurt and lonely they may be. Heroes? No, men doing what men do, the way men do it—both sexes cannot be steered by emotion.

This young man with the cracking voice telling me his mother left on a specific date and that they had not heard from her, not even a phone call, had a bit of wisdom that speaks to the power of the male attitude. When asked how his little brother was doing, he said, “It would be harder if there were girls.”

Wow. Think about that statement from a young man. Stereotype men as you wish, it makes no difference. Whine, complain, become victims, men do not care. Quietly, assuredly, men will continue to do the right thing, because that is what men do.
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=10 Wed, 6 Sep 2006 12:59:24 -0400 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=9
A friend told me of a place where over 100,000 men go to give their minds the kind of recharge that sustains: Comic-Con.

“Comic-Con?”

Yes, Comic-Con, the largest “comic book” convention in the world (though it has turned into a giant fantasy fan convention and more). Stop looking down your nose, this thing takes over San Diego and has something for everyone, absolutely everyone. Though the excuse for coming together is comic books, there are art exhibits; movie previews; celebrities; attention starved playmates raking in dough from those willing to pay for a picture to show their drooling friends; Christian, Muslim and Jewish themed comics competing for fans; voyeurs; women dressed to seduce, even ones who should not; men and women dressed in character; serious; everyone. All in the name of fun and hope. It is a place to feel okay.

There was a man there who tossed aside the corporate cubicle to focus on his comic strip. He gave up what most would consider a good career for the promise of nothing. He has gained 30 pounds since taking up the frightening challenge, but continues nevertheless. He is an example of many men who find a calling, or simply comfort, in the world of fantasy. All fantasy is grounded in reality, so how much fun can it be to create or visit alternate realities, especially when they are such positive, supportive, nurturing realities—hell, even escape suffices.

There are those who would look down upon this convention of nerds playing dress-up and mock their method of escape, condemning fantasy in this harsh world of reality, but they need only open their eyes slightly to see how much fantasy we embrace each day. Not all religions can be correct, and is any one 100% accurate? Could we accomplish what we do in life if we did not believe in something bigger than ourselves, whether it be God, superheroes, retirement or the scientific method? Everyday life is filled with fantasy because that is how we deal with reality. We all use fantasy.

As a lost male, I am willing to explore most any possibly helpful path along the way. A convention where 100,000 men gather in a supportive, nurturing, freaky funfest offering peace and comfort from the inner demons of boredom, sameness and lostness is a room worth entering. As a man who hates crowds, I felt relaxed, while being crushed by mobs all around. The sights, sounds, allure or possibility, energy were a gift from brethren. I never felt lost.

Whether it be a museum, golfing, racing, comic conventions or something else, it does a man good to escape the rut and routine of what is day-to-day living, day-to-day surviving. Sure, that means you will have to turn the televisions off and leave your comfort zone, but if you do not leave you comfort zone and explore are you still a man? We must explore beyond what we know and if you are unwilling you should turn in your huevos, pussy.
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=9 Tue, 1 Aug 2006 08:10:00 -0400 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=8
Holding his rosary, he climbs through a small window high up in a tall building and leaps. Rosary weaved between his fingers, he lands on a car, bounces and lands on another car before coming to rest on the ground, broken. His wife said he had been depressed lately.

I made a comment a long time ago, and a few times since, about depression, a comment that gave pause. I had the audacity to say, “Yeah, I get depressed, so what?” I then went on to explain my point of view and experience, but all that was heard was “I get depressed.” Now I receive newspaper clippings about the commonality of male depression, the symptoms, the treatment. They heard nothing after the words “I get depressed.”

The human mind is a magnificent machine, a machine with complexity far beyond our understanding. It is fascinating how we believe we are in complete, conscience control of our minds, yet when I say “Do not think of a white horse,” what are you thinking of? Tell yourself not to think of a white horse and what does your mind see? Simple suggestion and look what your mind sees. Let us not forget all of the times you have had an erection you did not want because it was “inappropriate” — your mind did that. What about the occasional violent urge you feel within and have to suppress, sometimes when you least want to rage — again, though it is often about stress, it is your mind fucking with you. Then there is fear, a feeling that overcomes our being, a feeling we want to dismiss, a consuming feeling — gift of the mind. We are in charge? Minimally, at best.

At best, we can try and control the input the grey matter receives. We avoid what takes the mind where we do not want to go and try to fill the senses with those things that make us feel good. Fortunately, no matter what we do, we still become saddened, experience sorrow and become depressed. Why fortunately? Because without down, up does not exist. Think about a manic depressive: their highs fly high because their lows plummet so deep. But that is being alive, being the full of man, human. Of course, Prozac will flatten the rollercoaster ride.

There are all kinds of drugs out there designed to keep you from feeling — alcohol has been used for this since the early days of man, when we found a relaxing moment not needed to fight for survival and used the boredom to become depressed. Have you met anyone on these drugs? Know anyone on these drugs? Some of the people around them will say how much better they are, unfortunately, they are zombies. (Not that there is anything wrong with being a zombie, if you are into that kind of thing.) Sure, they are no longer depressed, but they are also only semi-alive. If the choice is between zombie and depressed, I pick depressed. But that is not the choice.

I am not a fan of being depressed. I do not look for depression, strive for depression or accept depression. I listen to depression. When I am depressed, I know something is wrong, something needs to change in my life, for if nothing changes my state of mind will not change. Maybe you do need to leave your wife or sell your house or quit your job or join the priesthood or dump your friends or buy a bar or take up kickboxing or wear a dress or get your dick sucked or find your highschool girlfriend or go on a safari or learn to surf or skinny-dip or join a gym or sell your possessions and travel the world or something, but the answer is not “maintain the status quo.” Your mind is telling you something must change, it is whether or not we have the balls to change. I know, Prozac/Zoloft/Paxil/Booze is easier. If your mind is giving you depression, you need to change what you are giving your mind.

When I admit to becoming depressed, that is not failure. The fact that it lasts a week, a month, a year, whatever, is not bad. When I admit to becoming depressed it is only an acknowledgement that my needs and desires change and I have to meet the challenge of making myself happy without limiting possible solutions. We do have the key to our well-being.

Oh, look, another article from a family member saying depression in men is a monster. Genetic, some think. I did not know this: Nearly 24,000 men a year kill themselves because they are depressed. Look at all of these organizations out there willing to help — we all need people to talk with. Oooh, even famous people get depressed. (How can that be, they are famous. Who writes that crap?)

We all get depressed — period. If you want to change what your mind is giving you, change what you are giving your mind. Sure, that may mean you give up all of your possessions to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment on the seedy side of town to become a painter of cats or go and try farming in Ethiopia, but if that makes you happy it beats the hell out of your career as a zombie.

(Shit, input has arrived. Here comes depression, or incredible joy. Damn rollercoaster.)

No matter how good life may seem, if you are not in alignment with who you really are, your depression will grow and you will eventually snap. I do not want to snap, so when I am depressed, I have to ask why; I have to change something or I can expect my depression to blossom.



Go ahead, think about the white horse, just don’t think about the beautiful naked woman with pert breasts sitting atop the horse. (And you think you are in charge?)

What if depression is not mine but my wife’s/girl friend’s/bitch’s/ol’ lady’s/partner’s?

Yeah, I hear you. Unfortunately, as brilliant as we are as men, we cannot fix another person’s problem(s) — even if we know what the problem is and they do not.

Depression in your significant other can be debilitating. You worry about the next emotional drama, episode, outburst, often waiting. You think about creating distance between you and the one you love, or simply create the distance, to feel better yourself. You do not want to feel like a caretaker for your invalid, but you would like them to get better. You think about them taking drugs, anything, so you can begin to resume life with some sort of normalcy.

There is no answer. You cannot make them better. Often, the best thing you can do is encourage them to seek help and hope the help they find is good. You also have to ask yourself at what point have they begun to pull you down, and how far down you are willing to go before you let them go to save yourself — there is a point where you are not pulling them out, they are pulling you down, and it is such a blurry line we often do not see ourselves cross. It may be that letting go is not only the best way to save yourself but the only way they can save themselves.

We cannot claim to save another, but we can love another and accept them for who they are. That works within also: accept who you are, and your limitations, which includes the ability to fix another. When all is said and one, we can only hope we make the right choice.

Remember: The busy mind has little time for melancholy.

Also, patience truly is a virtue.]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=8 Mon, 3 Jul 2006 13:32:05 -0400 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=7 After killing, there can be a resurrection. This has been well thought out, conversed and advised to many a lost male. Unfortunately, I need to make a detour regarding a profoundly lost male.

Over Memorial Day weekend, a father went on a vacation with his family; his wife with whom he had been having marital problems and his sons, ages 8 and 4. The man was a learned man, a healer by training. He was a medical doctor, an oncologist. He was obviously a somewhat intelligent man, but more lost than anyone could fathom. He was in his 40s. Midlife crisis? Panic? Lost.

This learned man, this healer, took his young boys to the balcony of his 15th floor room and threw them off. Then, he jumped to follow. They all died. He killed his sons and himself, destroying his wife in the process. His eighty-something year old father—also a doctor—said his son snapped. Makes one wonder if things would have been different if he had killed his father? Perhaps when you kill your father, you not only save yourself but your sons also. Yes, kill your father and save your sons.

(Please, if you ever feel yourself going this close to the edge, give me a call.)

You must all kill your father. Of course, this is not literal, but a process by which you decimate your father completely, highlighting the flaws, foibles and mistakes of the male from whom you came. Like it or not, believe it or not, you are your father. If you kill your father, you might have a chance at becoming something else, something you, and not be condemned to being the worst of the man he was.

When you do not kill your father, you do not fully understand his weaknesses as a man and find yourself validating your father by repeating his mistakes—unnecessarily. If you cannot identify the flaws, weaknesses in your father, you are destined to repeat them—and pass along to your sons their need to validate you. The best thing you can do for you, your sons and even your father is completely destroy him—kill him.

Once you destroy your father, you can begin to understand why he did what he did, or at least acknowledge the possibility of another way. When you take something apart, you begin to understand how it is put together. Take your father apart; begin to understand and the resurrection can begin.

When you understand the weaknesses of your father, you can begin to accept him for the human, the lost male, that he is, has been and must be. When you begin to accept this mere mortal as flawed, you can love or leave as necessary, limiting the baggage you have been asked to carry. When you understand where you come from, you better understand yourself.

When you do this to your father, you must be harsh. No, you don’t need to dump this on him, but do this for yourself, honestly. That being said, you should expect and encourage the same from your son, to set him free and give him the possibility of being more than you. (More than me? Yes, it is possible, unless you are really fucked-up, so damaged you have to destroy your son to prove your perfection.)

The least of men are those who have never removed their father from a pedestal. The best of men have accepted their father as mortal man, warts and all, a man they do not need to elevate but understand, a man from whom they can learn without having to repeat every mistake: lost male. Be the best you can be, and for Father’s Day this year: kill dad.

Set yourself free. It is far better to be lost than anchored, especially when it is another’s anchor.
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=7 Thu, 1 Jun 2006 11:19:25 -0400 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=6
However much we may want to deny the behavior, the fact that men on the whole do not seek or ask for help is a fairly accurate stereotype. We tend to believe know we can do it all, or at least better than some other guy. I could go on with all of the psychobabble bullshit about how men need to seek help and support from other men to relieve themselves of the burden they can never deliver, the burden of doing everything, but upon reflection, what's so wrong about not asking others for anything? They are just inferior idiots anyway.

A man's ability to do for himself is one of the ways he is measured—even by the women who say they want a “sensitive man.” A man, instinctively, knows that if he must ask others to do for him, he is considered weak by the herd. We will not be weak, and definitely not prove our weakness by seeking assistance. (Why do you think navigation systems are now built into cars? We are not asking for directions and we will gladly spend a grand to never have to ask directions in order to prove our self-reliance.) This appearance of self-reliance is important, and one of the reasons some of us still change the oil in our car or motorcycle, even though you can have it done for less than $20. Unfortunately, or necessarily, requesting help does unmask the weakest of the herd.

Occasionally, the self-reliant male will take it a bit too far, unwilling to let anyone know the secret that he may have lost his way. Bankruptcy is probably the number one face plant, but some keep that hidden. Divorce allows a man to blame his shortcomings on his “psycho-bitch” wife. Suicide is another way out, but for those of us who know anyone who has taken that route, it is the ultimate pussification—they have given up on even finding direction. Then, there is the control freak that will remain in charge at all costs. Yes, the”man” who kills his spouse, offspring and not himself. (You are going that far and can't take yourself? Pussy would be a compliment.) It is a great deal of tragedy, these situation we place ourselves, but would it be better if we asked for help?

If a man asks for help he is not just giving up his image of self-reliance, but embarking on the path of another. We need to believe we are unique, have our own way, and when we ask for help, for directions, we are suggesting that we are lost, without a way. By asking for help, we have stated we cannot find a way and want someone to place us on a path. Most men are not interested in taking the path of another, as—contrary to popular belief—we are introspective and wish to find a better way, our way, a way we believe unique. Fortunately, there is a loophole.

Though men do not want to ask for help, they are often willing to “share.” Men are quite open and truthful with one another about what is going on in their journey. Even though they are not “asking” for help, they will let you know they need help, guidance, if you listen. There is the rub, who is listening and do they care?

Some of us are fortunate enough to be involved with a woman who accepts us warts and all, and we don't have to pretend we are Superman. Some of us have found it easier to pretend to be the Superman we have led the world to believe us to be. Most of us are in that ether between. Posturing who we wish to be, while being who we are, all the while hoping someone is listening, someone cares enough to offer a helping hand just long enough so we can shrug our shoulders and let someone else carry the burden for a moment, and then we will take it back. (Some do this be running to an altered state.) Everything will be all right, if you have someone that will listen and hear, and if you do not, I will listen. I know the truth of your mere mortalness, just as lost and unimpressive as the rest of us.

Now, for those so lost they are about to crack: Give it up! We need to let them know to give up the ghost, to call them on their bullshit. They are not perfect. Life sucks sometimes. Sometimes we are so lost we think we can never find our way again, and we are not going to ask for directions. Fine, but stop. Stop for a moment and let it all go. Be willing to give up everything and start again, to try a different path, but you cannot do that until you stop. Just stop. You are not Superman. Tell someone your life is fucked up, that you are lost. Tell anyone, even a stranger who is deaf. Accept you are lost, and then you can find your way.

The beauty of not asking for help is that we are constantly finding new ways, new paths, slight variations. Also, could we do anything else? If we started going around asking for help all of the time, becoming needy, would we still be men?


Now, about that help...
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=6 Mon, 1 May 2006 13:41:27 -0400 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=5
There are those who have money, add nothing to society except the ability to spend and pose and are presumed to be worth a great deal. We have all seen the spoiled rich punk who had his path carved by daddy’s checkbook. Society seems to value him highly. At the other end of the spectrum, there are those with nothing trying to find something that would change lives forever.

I remember reading about a man whose life had been about extending and enhancing the mental and physical well-being of the species by “curing” the aging process, something he regarded as a disease. His work was fascinating and has pushed scientists and researchers to consider and reconsider alternative avenues of investigation. He has changed the world in ways we will never know in our lifetime. It should be noted that he has nothing, literally nothing of material wealth, material worth. What is he worth, nothing?

There are men with all of the creature comforts and material wealth one could desire who wish they could feel significant, of value. There are men who possess little more than what is necessary to survive who reach for the heavens, wishing the strength to cloth those who depend upon them were a bit easier, that their effort was valued. What is each worth?

Watch a man who has everything give it all away so he can feel significance, worthy. Watch a good man starve because he is too proud to ask for help, because he must maintain a perceived self-worth, as that is all he has in life. They both come from different places, but are in the same place. Who is worth more?

When it come down to it, it is not our bank account that determines our worth, nor our possessions, but what we see when we stare into the mirror. No matter what the calculator says, it is that reflection that haunts us. “What am I worth?” Some can glance away from the mirror and look at the balance in their checking account or their big house or their fancy car, but the question is pervasive, always there, waiting. There are those who can tackle the challenge of problems, yet see others with so much more, so ask the same question, feeling worthless. It makes no difference what you are worth, because you’ll never be worth enough.

You can be worth everything and nothing, as it makes no difference, since that self-doubt that propels us to figure out how to make what we see in the mirror worth more will always exist. Whatever you are worth, it is not enough. Whatever you are worth, in someway, somehow, you should be worth more. The angst of the moment: you are worthless.

Is there any wonder we are lost? When you realize no matter what you have you are worthless, can you be anything but lost?
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=5 Mon, 3 Apr 2006 13:06:42 -0400 http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=4

No matter how stupid they are, they can be brilliant. A couple of conversations brought the point home:

-> A woman who has experienced it all and wishes to experience more pronounced loudly, “Men are idiots.” When I replied, “Women were stupid,” she disagreed. So I offered “crazy,” which she quickly accepted.

Any woman who knows who she is knows women rule the world. The fact that they are crazy gives us the opening we need. Know it. They know it. Some admit it, but they all know it. They are crazy!!! Unfortunately, when it comes to them, we are idiots.

-> A woman more brilliant than she would ever convey talked about the premise of the lost male. She thinks males are lost, and should be, as the purpose of our design is no longer necessary. Hunting, foraging, protecting just aren’t necessary in our comfortable society, but the skills are innate and must remain, so we use them, randomly. The brute strength and violence wired into our being is unnecessary, for the moment.

It is scary how the skills are now used by some and expresses how lost we are and will be lost for some time.


I love women, especially brilliant women. (Brilliance in a woman is found as it is in men: pure honesty expressed by a reflective mind.)

Those moments, those conversations of honesty bring moments of joyous clarity: I’m really fucking lost! What does a man need to do in these modern times to feel he has purpose? (Read Fly Fumes and it appears the purpose is…) What to do? Where to find those women who bring moments of truth? Where to find those men? Where to find…

Speaking of crazy monsters that rule the world: Why are so many dominated by nasty shrews?

Met a man who was kind, honest and gentle, a decent man. A couple of days later, I met his wife. I was polite — there is no need to be anything but polite to a woman — but she was not so polite. You cannot battle shrews, so you smile and ignore their rudeness, but some still want to get in your face. They are so used to having their way with “men,” they just get louder, ruder and nastier. What self-loathing males are putting up with these creatures?

When a monster gets loud and in your face, you cannot win by upping the ante. You make it clear they are not going to get their way, even if they are correct, if they are going to be so disrespectful. Offer them a smile, a smile that says, “Bitch, you aren’t getting shit treating me like this!” without uttering a single word. If you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect her to respect you?


Remember, they’ll admit to “crazy,” not stupid, so if you are going to be a male as nature defined, you cannot be afraid. Lost, sure, but afraid of the crazy bitch? I think not. No, step up and smile a smile that speaks volumes.

Until next month, when the question is, “What are we worth?” Or sooner?
]]> General http://www.lostmale.com/index.php?itemid=4 Wed, 1 Mar 2006 11:04:11 -0500